The Truth, The Fallout & The Betrayal
by Somebody Once
Summary: Ethan struggles with the fallout of the Emilie reveal. Who is he? Can he ever forgive his brother? Cal struggles with being cut out. But a darker truth is looming and neither might survive the aftermath...
1. Chapter 1

Ethan couldn't breathe.

 _'She's our mum'._

Ethan's first instinct was to laugh. A sound bubbled hysterically in his chest and he swallowed instinctively to stop it. What kind of joke was this? What kind of weird, ridiculous situation was his big brother conjuring up this time?

He stared into Cal's eyes just waiting for the punch line. Seconds ticked by and the laughter in the pit of his stomach dissolved into utter, utter dread. Cal was crying. This was a joke, this _had_ to be a joke. But in that moment as he stared at his brother Ethan knew, he _knew_ deep in his bones that this ridiculous, utterly impossible joke was the truth.

His eyes landed on the woman, on Emilie, on the Huntington's patient, on his _mother._ She shuffled on the bed, eyes meeting his, her own face tearstained, desperate. And Ethan was staring into Cal's eyes on this woman's face. He turned on his heel and walked away from them both.

'Ethan!' his brother shouted and Ethan picked up his pace to a flat out run. He ran up the stairs, up another set and flung himself down the corridor of paediatrics. Staggering and panting like a mad man. The bathroom was there suddenly and he threw himself into the nearest stall and went down on his hands and knees.

Vomit surged up and out of his throat and he struggled to breathe as it fell into the bowl below. Oh god. Oh god. _Oh god._

 _Mum._

Matilda Hardy was Ethan's mother. The only mother he'd ever known. The woman he'd chosen to study locally for so he could care for her while she slowly died in front of him. The only parent that had stuck around and loved him his whole life. The only person he'd thought had never ever lied to him.

And if this was true then she was the biggest liar of them all.

With shaking hands Ethan rocked back and slumped down to sit against the toilet door. This didn't make sense. It didn't. How could this make sense? If that Emilie was his mother then how did he not know this? How did Cal not tell him?

 _Cal._

Ethan felt white hot rage flash through him of the kind he'd rarely felt before. Liar. He thought. 'You god damned liar'. His hands were jolting and he clenched them into fists to get the shaking under control. 'Huntington's' oh god. _Huntington's._

Ethan's head filled with mental autocues, suddenly becoming filled with every textbook he'd ever read on the subject, he'd even written a case study on it once. _'_ _Huntingtin_ _gene' '50% chance of a child inheriting the gene…' symptoms usually begin between 35 and 44'_

He was throwing up again before he'd even taken a breath.

Did he have it? Then the dread in his stomach took on a fist form, did Cal have it? For all he wanted to hate his brother. He couldn't lose him. Not to that. The fear crippled him momentarily.

Jesus Christ.

A million questions swam around in his head. Who was he? How long had Cal known about this? Was Emilie definitely their mother?

He spat saliva into the bowl and pushed himself up to his feet, wiping his mouth with toilet paper. Leaving the stall he made his way over to the basin and swilled water into his mouth. Straightening up he caught sight of himself in the mirror and froze. The same face stared back at him, albeit pale as a ghost and wild, but everything had changed. He didn't recognise himself anymore. If he wasn't Matilda Hardy's youngest son, if he wasn't part of his mother, then who was he?

 _Who was he?_

He stared at his features. Trying to align them with the snapshot he had of Emilie in his head. Did he have her nose? What about his eyes that everyone always said were all Matilda? Were they Emilie's? What was he?

'Ethan!'

Cal burst into the bathrooms, eyes immediately landing on his younger brother. The mirror distorted his face and for a moment Ethan felt like he was seeing what they'd believed their whole lives, they were replicates. They were masqueraders. Everything they knew was a lie. Everything one of them knew anyway.

His hands closed harder on the sink. Cal raised his hands like he was approaching some kind of wild animal that had just escaped from its enclosure. Ethan guessed in some ways he was.

'Ethan' his big brother whispered. 'Listen, just give me a moment to explain…'

Ethan couldn't even speak. He turned dead eyes on the brother that this morning he'd loved more than anyone on this god forsaken planet, now he hated him. He hated Cal more than he'd hated anyone in his life.

'I'm sorry ok'. Cal offered 'I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you. I was going to tell you all of it but there just never seemed to be a good moment.'

Ethan met his eyes in the mirror and shook his head numbly.

'Ok' Cal conceded 'ok so I should have just said it but you were so stressed lately with work and the resignation and I just didn't want to add to it ok? Believe it or not I was trying to shield you from this.'

Ethan turned from the sink and walked over to the bathroom wall, leaning his back against it. Fixing his brother with a stare.

Cal's eyes were desperate, pleading, Emilies' 'Will you say something please?'

Ethan didn't know where to begin. 'I want the truth and I want all of it Caleb.'

Cal sighed and nodded, he leaned against the opposite wall, unconsciously mirroring his younger brother.

And he told Ethan everything.

Ethan felt tired. Bone weary exhaustion swept through his body.

'And then she was there.' Cal concluded 'in the wards and I just wanted to keep her as far away as possible from you. I just didn't want you hurt the way I'd been hurting with all this Ethan.'

The younger man swept a hand over his face. 'Well wasn't that thoughtful of you.'

Cal ignored the sarcastic tone and tried again. 'I'm sorry Ethan, I'm so sorry.'

'You didn't think I had a right to know?'

'Of course I did, I told Charlie that…'

Ethan froze. 'You told Charlie?'

Cal sucked in a breath, obviously realizing his mistake. 'He was there when I got the paternity results about Matilda'.

Ethan laughed, an ugly, betrayed bark. 'And where was I Caleb? Where was I huh? Supporting you, trying to talk to you, giving you space about that little girl? Where was I?'

Cal paused and sighed. 'I know ok. I know you're angry and you have a right to be.'

'Oh thank you so much Caleb for the permission'.

'Come on, you know what I mean.'

'I don't.' Ethan whispered.

'What?'

'I don't know what you mean. I don't know who you are anymore.' At Cal's wounded look, Ethan went for the kill, 'of all the things you've done Caleb, of all the lows you've sunk, the lengths you've gone to, the selfish actions you have taken our entire lives, this one, this one…you've even surprised me this time.'

Cal stood up from the wall 'Ethan come on…'

'No.' Ethan managed. 'No. I don't want to look at you, I don't want to talk to you. I want to be as far away as possible from you right now.'

'Look can you just…'

Ethan walks forward, he's shorter than his brother, so much shorter and he hates it, hates it more than ever.

'No you look…' he says, deadly serious, looking up at his brother. 'I mean it Cal. Don't talk to me. Stay out of my way because I don't believe a single word that comes out of your mouth.'

'Ethan please…'

'You have lied to me, deceived me, actively taken any choice I had away from me in all of this and you have the nerve to pretend it's out of love.' Ethan shakes his head, raises a finger and pokes Cal right in the chest. 'It's what it's always been Cal, it's out of selfish, narcissistic, cruelty.'

'Ethan that's not fair…'

'FAIR?' Ethan screams now. 'FAIR? You found out our mother isn't our mother, that we are adopted, that we might have a life-shortening god damned disease Caleb and you lied to me about it for months. But god yes Ethan's being unfair for having a reaction about it!' He's furious. White hot rage consumes him now. He takes a step back.

Cal wisely shuts his mouth and hangs his head.

'Don't talk to me.' Ethan manages, chest heaving. 'Just don't.'

'What about Emilie?' Cal finally manages as Ethan turns away from him towards the door.

'What about her?' Ethan asks, heart breaking, 'I already watched one mother die in front of me Caleb, I'm not doing that again. I won't.'

He turns on his heel and leaves his brother behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** _Thank you for the kind reviews and follows. Loving this pair to bits and the new storyline. I just wish we'd got to see the fallout from Ethan finding out about Emilie immediately, not a week later. This fic is my take on what happens, filling in some blanks and taking them on my own path. Thanks again everyone._

* * *

The phone rings and rings. Cal waits, breath in his throat again like it has been constantly for the last three weeks since he'd been at this.

There's a telltale beep and Ethan's voice cuts in. Cheerful, peppy, _'Hi you've reached the voicemail of Ethan Hardy. I can't come to the phone right now but leave a message and I'll do my best to call you back. Good…'_

Cal half smiles as he does every time he hears the machine cut his brother off before he finishes his goodbye. He feels the same pang of affection, the same rush of emotion he always feels when he thinks about Ethan. Love and fondness and exasperation and everything he could never put his finger on about his little brother. Only this time, as it has been the last few weeks he's filled with an ever increasing feeling of despair.

'I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry. That's it, ok.' He tells the voicemail. The only time he gets to hear his brother's voice lately.

He hangs up.

It feels wrong being in the apartment without Ethan. Cal's not stupid, regardless of his behaviour sometimes he knows it's Ethan's place and that he should be the one moving out right now. He'd tell Ethan that if his brother ever gave him the chance to talk to him again.

 _'_ _I'm not your brother anymore'._

Ethan had never said that before. He'd yelled similar threats when they were teenagers. Raging 'I wish you weren't my brother!' and 'I hate you's' but he'd never said it like that. Not flat out like he meant it, like he was done with Cal forever.

God, was he really done with Cal forever?

He couldn't believe that. Ethan wasn't capable of being that cruel was he? No. Cal knows Ethan. Ethan's the good one, the kind one, the one who forgives time and time again. He's the patient one, the one who goes to spend Christmas with Aunt Helen so she's not alone. He's the one that even when he hates Cal and tells him he's not his brother still moves out of his own apartment rather than kick Cal onto the streets. No Cal knows Ethan.

But this is the closest he's ever come to doubting his brother's capacity to forgive.

Ethan is within his rights to end them over this. Cal knows that. Knows that deep down Ethan is in a world of hurt, knows that he feels like Cal betrayed him and put him last when in all honesty Cal is only in this position because he was thinking of Ethan first.

He stands by that. Should he have told him sooner? Of course. Should he have been less panicked and scared and trusted Ethan more? Hell yes. He knows this. He also knows he'd probably do the same thing again though. He wanted to protect his brother.

Ethan had been a mess. Teetering on the brink of an Ethan Hardy mental meltdown. Cal knows the signs. He knows Ethan better than he knows anyone. It just never felt right. And then he got scared. Then he got scared of rocking their brotherly boat to the core.

 _'_ _I haven't come this far, so she can ruin it.'_

He'd meant what he said to Charlie. He'd come such a long way with Ethan, so far along the path of becoming close as brothers. He'd worked so hard for it. And god help him he didn't want that gone. Didn't want to be back at square one.

Except here he was. It was worse than square one. Square one was Ethan actively disliking him. This was pure silence. He was being ignored completely. He missed square one.

Cal picked up his now cold coffee and went and washed the cup up. He made his way back to his room and paused outside his brothers door. He gently opened it. Ethan's room was immaculate. That was his brother, ordered, calm, mild mannered Ethan. Well he hadn't looked so mild mannered standing over Cal outside the staff room, chest heaving, absolute rage in his usual calm eyes.

Cal sighed as he sat down on Ethan's bed. His eyes flitted over to the desk in the corner, landed on the photograph of their mother. She had her arms outstretched, Ethan under one arm and Cal under the other. She was smiling, beautiful. Cal stared at her, her eyes full of happiness peering out from the photograph. No sign of worry or stress. No sign of secrets. Cal was about seven in the photo. So three years after they were adopted. Three years wasn't long enough for Matilda to look so untroubled, so free.

And now she was never going to explain, never going to offer her sons an explanation, give her side, never admit the truth to them, because she was dead and her secret had died with her. And now everybody else was dealing with the fallout.

Cal jumped as his phone rang, vibrating in his hand. He flung it to his ear without looking, 'Ethan?'

'No Cal…it's Zoe.'

Cal's heart dropped. 'Oh hi Zoe.'

'Look I feel awful asking when I know you've just done two hardcore shifts but I need cover, you couldn't come in today could you? I'm a doctor down.'

Cal ran a hand over his head. This could be a chance to talk to Ethan. A chance at a same shift. He knew his brother had been making sure they weren't rostered on at the same time whenever he could. Cal needed this. He needed to talk to Ethan. He needed to make him see.

'Sure Zoe, I'll be right in'.

* * *

Cal parks the car and jumps out, he pulls his beanie over his head. It's a moody day. He jogs into the hospital and enters the staffroom, stopping abruptly when he notices his brother with his back to him.

Swallowing he paused at the door.

'Ethan.'

Ethan jumps

'What are you doing here?' he spits out, venom lacing the usual soft-spoken tone.

Cal feels ridiculous, like a kid caught with his hand in the biscuit tin. He pushed his hands into his pockets.

'We're a doctor down, they pulled me in'.

Ethan turns his back on him. Cal is so sick of seeing his brother's back lately.

'Still not my brother I'm guessing?' he asks after another beat of silence.

'Guessed right', Ethan huffs.

Ethan has always been a slow burn, frustrating anger. Cal was the volatile explosive fuse, the tornado, quick to anger, quick to get over it. Ethan was more the dormant volcano, bubbling and bubbling till it eventually exploded. Cal is well and truly submerged by that lava here.

'Come on Ethan…'

The younger man turns and walks away. Shutting down any hopes Cal had for a discussion and leaving him once again staring at the retreating form of his little brother.

* * *

 **Next chapter:** Ethan's world implodes...


	3. Chapter 3

_**Authors Note:** Thanks again for the beautiful comments. Hope you enjoy this chapter._

* * *

It's dark the day he finds out. He remembers because it's one of those mornings where he wishes he could pull off a beanie like Cal can. Dark and dreary. Colder than it has any right to be. Ethan nearly slips on the rain laden pavement and he absently acknowledges that the low hanging clouds reflect his mood to a tee.

He hurries his gait, dodging out of the way of a porter with a trolley as he reaches the hospital doors. Making his way through the corridor he spots Lily right away.

'Lily!' he reaches into his pocket, passes her the keys with a nod of thanks.

'Good Morning Ethan'.

'Morning' he offers. 'Thanks again. I left some lasagne in the fridge for you for when you finish.'

Lily nods greatfully, and pockets her house keys. 'Did anyone ever tell you you make the perfect houseguest?'

'No' he tells her 'but it's nice to hear it thank you. Better go and get ready.' Lily turns on her heel and makes her way back to a cubicle.

Ethan is thankful for her, more thankful than Lily knows. She has been a saving grace through all this fallout with Caleb. Offering her sofa, no real questions asked. His 'we had a falling out' explanation enough for her. It's been three weeks.

Three weeks of not speaking to his brother, of ignoring his calls, of asking to be rostered on different shifts, of pretending he doesn't matter.

 _'You're on your own. I'm not your brother anymore.'_

He meant it. Still does.

He's so beyond angry. So beyond tired of being Caleb Knight's punching bag, the one who bails him out when he messes up, who loans him money or takes care of his baby or steps up for their mother. Or whoever the woman was anyway.

Ethan's still shutting it down as much as he can. Still trying to ignore that particular nugget, all of the particular nuggets. He's never buried his head in the sand. That was always Cal's gig. But lately it's been all he's doing. He's been hiding out at Lilys. Popping back to his flat when he knows Cal's rostered on to get his post and a few other items.

Why he's moved out of his own flat he doesn't know. He should kick his brother out. Cal's the liar, Cal's the wrongdoer here not Ethan. Still it's not like Cal has many friends. Real ones anyway. His were always the kind who met him for a drink or a sordid night out, not the kind who'd loan a sofa when needed.

Ethan takes his jacket off with a sigh and pulls on his scrubs. He's going to have to address all this sooner or later, especially with Charlie on his back. It seems his brother has a fierce lapdog there who's taking up the 'team cal' mantra while his brother is being ignored. It doesn't sit well with Ethan. There's been times he's been dangerously close to telling Charlie what he can do with his well meaning advice.

It hurts. It hurts that Cal went to him. With something as important as this. With something so huge for Ethan. Something he should have told him first. Ethan is still itching for a fight. Still wants to hit his brother. Still wants him to hurt the way he's hurting.

He doesn't though. Instead he's decided to throw himself into work. To treat the patients to the best of his ability and to forget all of his personal issues that way. Work is his medicine.

'Ethan'.

Ethan jumps and turns. Great just what he needed. What was he even doing here?

'What are you doing here?' he voices aloud.

Cal looks tired. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. A move Ethan knows he only does when he's uncomfortable. 'We're a doctor down, they pulled me in'.

Ethan mentally curses in his head and turns his back on his brother.

'Still not my brother I'm guessing?' Cal says, uncharacteristically quietly.

'Guessed right', Ethan huffs. He's not moving on this. Not when he can't sleep at night, not when he can't turn his brain off. Not when he's still so deeply betrayed.

He spins and walks away from Cal's muttered 'come on Ethan…'

He has patients to deal with.

* * *

He deliberately takes a late lunch in order to avoid Cal and after a busy morning he heads off to the staffroom. He retrieves his briefcase from the locker and takes out his letters he picked up from the flat. He really should have opened them yesterday.

He goes through them one by one, bill, bill, bill and if Caleb thinks he's paying for the month he's been out then he can think again. He rips the fourth open and pauses. _'Dear Mr Hardy, attached are the results of your recent genetic blood test…'_

What?

It's like the words become hieroglyphics before him as the world tunnels. There's a rushing in his ears. Ethan sits stunned. _'Positive for the gene…' 'Huntingtons', 'counselling' 'blood test'._

Well that's a mistake, he hasn't given blood in…

 _Oh._

His infected, traitorous blood turns to the coldest of ice.

 _'_ _Dr Hardy feels so bad for shouting that he's going to take the test with you isn't that right?'_

 _Oh._

The world spins.

 _No. No. No._

His hands shake. They shake uncontrollably. He gets to his feet and takes a step back from the table. Then he moves forward again. _No._

He can't have it. He can't. He'd know wouldn't he?

But he knows. On every level, medical, emotional, personal, he knows that Huntingtons doesn't show signs straight away like that. Knows that with results like he's looking at he's got 20 years at most once it kicks in. 20 years of losing control, mentally, physically, totally.

He's seen Huntingtons patients, he's treated them at the beginning and at the end. He knows first hand how that looks at the finish. He's stared right into the eyes and seen how ravaged a sufferer had become. Total and complete desecration of the body and the mind. A shell of the person. Just a shell left. That was if the pneumonia didn't get them first.

Tremors, sometimes fits, inability to swallow, inability to articulate, loss of mental function. A swift decline over a long drawn out period. The most cruel of diseases in almost every way.

Well that's the end of his career then. They'll never let a doctor work with huntingtons surely? He'd be too much of a risk. Too much of a liability.

It's all he's ever wanted, to be a doctor, to help people. And that's it. Medical school, training, all the years for what? So it can end here, like this? Personality, physicality all rotting away to nothing.

Cal had once called Ethan a robot. Well maybe he'd seen the future.

This isn't fair. This is so very unfair.

Ethan's first and initial instinct after the freezing wears off is to go and find as many drugs as he can. It's a bizarre thought.

It's his _only_ thought.

 _I have control now._ He thinks. _I have control. I'll just stop it then. I'll stop it right now, before it gets me. Nobody needs to know._

He calmly leaves the letter and steps away from the table, leaves the staffroom, makes his way in a fog to the supply room, to the drugs cabinet. Max is pushing a patient in a wheelchair, he attempts to talk to Ethan as he walks but he side steps him in a complete daze. He's in a different realm now.

The corridor is whiter than ever. Has it always been this bright a white? Ethan isn't sure but it feels wrong. He's in front of Robyn before he even knows it. He asks her for the key and she doesn't bat an eyelid before handing it over. His voice sounds alien.

There's no-one around. No obstacle to navigate passed. He opens the cabinet. Eyes flitting over the contents before they come to rest on the subcutaneous insulin.

 _Hypoglycemic coma,_ he thinks, _fast death_. That should do it. He grabs a needle, the vial and makes his way back to the staffroom.

Ok then.

His hands are shaking as he fills the syringe careful not to spill any. _'Make sure there's enough Ethan'_ he tells himself _'can't have them bringing you back'_ , not a hospital of doctors, not his friends and his brother. He lifts the injection between shuddering fingers and brings it to his wrist. Why won't his hand stop shaking? Stupid, traitorous body. It's probably the Huntingtons he thinks somewhat hysterically. And then he laughs.

He laughs and he can't stop laughing. Short, hysterical, shuddering laughs. He's laughing and his hands are shaking around the needle and the hysteria bubbles up and out of him.

This is the least funny moment of his life but he can't stop laughing. He can't stop.

But he does, and when he does his face is wet and his laughs turn to sobs.

 _No. Oh no, no, no._

Silent, wracking, full body sobs. His back is to the lockers and his legs give way and he slides down, needle still clasped in his hand.

And then he's sat on the ground and suddenly he snaps back to himself. Sees himself. Sees what he's doing. And he stops.

 _He stops._

He drops the needle.

He can't breathe again.

He can _not_ breathe.

It takes a moment till his chest rises and falls. The longest moment in his life.

Then Ethan moves. Back to his feet. He takes the letter, he takes his wallet, leaves everything else and starts walking.

He walks out of the staffroom, out of the hospital, out of Holby.

Out of his life.

Somewhere there's a rumble of thunder. It starts to rain.

* * *

 **Next time:** Cal makes a worrying discovery and the race is on to find Ethan...


End file.
